


Love Makes One Lose and Find

by snowynight



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alien Technology, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fal-tor-pan, Gen, Rescue, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Trapped, Vulcan Mind Melds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 21:58:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowynight/pseuds/snowynight
Summary: Spock enters Jim's mind to save him from the eternal dream he's trapped in, and ends up finding hope for both of them.





	Love Makes One Lose and Find

“Thank you for your help, Captain Kirk. Without you thousands of people will be killed in the civil war,” Minister Xanith said, waving her tentacles for emphasis.

The captain tried to shrug away the compliment as Spock knew he would. “I’m only doing my job. The Federation hopes to assist its members…”

“You convince Tanith to sit with us. Very few people can do it. To show our gratitude, we would grant you the privilege to have your best dream come true with the Dream Granter.”

“The Dream Granter? I’m afraid I haven’t heard about this before. Would you enlighten me what it is like?”

“It’s an ingenious tool designed to let its users live out their best dream. We only grant its access to those who contribute greatly to our society.”

The captain’s expression shifted for a moment before returning to his diplomatic smile. “While I am honoured, it is not necessary...”

“Of course you must!” Minister Xanith interrupted him again. “We will be shamed otherwise.”

The captain sighed and threw a resigned glance at Spock when the Minister was talking with her aide. “I’ll be honoured.”

Minister Xanith practically dragged the captain to the chrome coloured machine that looked like someone coggled an armchair, a camera and a pinwheel. The captain gave Spock a wry smile and closed his eyes when Minister Xanith hooked him up to the machine.

Ever since then, the captain remained in a coma.

* * *

 

"It has never happened before!" Minister Xanith stuttered. "Everyone is completely refreshed and happy after using that. We had no idea why this happened!”

"All right. Why can't we shut down the machine and free the captain now?" the doctor demanded.

Minister Xanith widened her eyes. "You can't! If we abruptly cut off the connection of the machine, it may disrupt the captain's mind so much that he may remain in the coma forever."

"So we just stand here doing nothing watching the captain stuck in this death trap?"

“How dare you---”

Spock ignored both the doctor and Minister Xanith ’s overtly emotional outburst and interrupted. “Am I correct to assume that the captain is trapped in his own mind now?”

“Yes, but really---”

“Dr. Leutson, I put you in charge of this mission until I return with the captain.“ Spock said to his land party member, who blinked quickly but nodded.

“What‘re you trying to do here? You can’t be trying to meld with Jim, can you?” the doctor asked while Spock walked towards the captain and raised his hand.

The doctor started to yell. "Are you kidding? You may be stuck with him forever. Who know what this machine can do!" The doctor’s veins became visible on his neck.

Spock replied, "The risk is reasonable, and it is my duty as a starship officer to rescue the captain."

The doctor stared at him. "Are you sure?"

Not feeling that the rhetorical question was worth a reply, Spock putting his hand on the captain's meld point.

Spock had accepted the axiom that the good of the many outweighed the good of the one. Logically Spock should conserve his command fitness as it was unacceptable for the Enterprise to lose her command team at the same time.

However, The captain ... Jim always stretched Spock’s logic.

 

* * *

 

The crisp smell of salty fish ambushed Spock when he entered Jim's mind. He saw a wide expanse of sandy beach and ocean ahead, while a figure walked far ahead of him.

"Captain!" Spock rushed towards the figure.

The figure stopped and turned back. It was Jim, who widened his eyes and smiled. Spock lost words at how relaxed and carefree Jim looked. "Spock! What a surprise! Let’s take a walk together. Do you like the sea? You may find it fascinating."

The wind strengthened, mixing in smell of algae and sulphur. Jim still waited for his response.

During Spock’s training of the mind discipline on Vulcan, the healers stressed that you could only bring someone back when their minds were willing as coercion or force only damaged the weakened mind further. He replied, “Very well, Captain.”

“Call me Jim. We’re off duty,” Jim said, staring back at the sea. “"A beach to walk on. A few days, no braid on my shoulder. Is it too hard to ask for?"

 _No, you deserve way more than you thought,_ Spock thought, overwhelmed by a sense of protectiveness. _Do duty and stress finally overwhelm Jim? Why has he not noticed Jim’s pain before?_ “It is a reasonable request.”

Jim laughed but the spark was missing from his eyes. “I think there is a regulation that bans it.”

“I hardly think of any regulations to prohibit the captain from taking adequate rest and leisure time.”

“Anyway, I can’t stay long here anyway. The ship won’t permit me my life.”

“Do you want to leave the Enterprise?” _And me?_

Jim looked startled. “Of course not. You have once said my destiny was to serve as a starship captain, and you’re always right. The years I was stuck on Earth…”

He paused and picked up a horse conch shell, looking distantly at the sea.

Spock felt a wave of bitterness in his stomach. Jim had never brought it up after their return from Terra in 1960s, but it was obvious that Jim looked into him and mourned the friend he lost, the friend Spock did not know how to be again.

It was illogical to be jealous of your past self, but Spock had long accepted how easily Jim inspired illogical feeling in him. He wanted to touch, to comfort, to soothe Jim’s pain, but he only stood with his hands behind his back.

"Besides, I’ll be stir crazy if I stay in one place for too long,” Jim smiled. “Come, my friend, 'T is not too late to seek a newer word.'”

“Ulysses by Lord Alfred Tennyson.”

“Of course you know it.” Jim’s smile brightened and continued. “We are not now that strength which in old days / Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts, / Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will / To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”

Jim looked amused when a sailing ship now docked near the beach. “And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by. Do you want to join me?”

 _How can I bring you back?_ Spock thought, feeling a cold weight in his stomach. _Is there nothing for you to return to?_

“Spock?” Jim asked. He looked worried and bit his lips. “What’s wrong? Tell me and we’ll fix it together.”

Spock looked into Jim’s warm hazel eyes and suddenly came up with an answer to his doubt.

Jim had to return on his own term. No force. No coercion, either by word or by emotion. Despite Spock’s illogical wish, he could not force a link between them to bring him back. The only thing Spock could do was to offer everything he had and hoped that it was enough.

Quietly, He started reciting an ancient Vulcan chant to welcome lost travellers, his feeling and thought laid bare before Jim:

>   
> 
> 
> “I miss you like my blood and bones,
> 
>   
> 
> 
> I await you like a desert to its first rain,
> 
>   
> 
> 
> I search for you like a tree rooting for water,
> 
>   
> 
> 
> I welcome you---”

 

The time and space stood still between them but Spock started to doubt. _How can an incomplete person like me to be a shelter to anyone?_

Spock could only hope and put everything he had on offer: loyalty, dedication, adoration and longing.

Jim softened his face and took Spock’s arm. A golden and green mental link warped their wrists together.

“My thoughts will guide your thought. My mind will bring you to the light.” Spock put his every thought and strength into the link. The ground crumbled and the sea devoured them.

When Spock opened his eyes again, he still had one hand over Jim’s meld point. Jim was holding his wrist with bright eyes.

Spock felt completely exposed and shaken. He needed meditation.

 

* * *

 

Finishing meditation after the return to the ship, Spock felt almost like his normal self, despite his mind kept going through today’s event and wondering about the consequence.

There was a knock to his door.

“Come in,” Spock said, knowing who his visitor was before the door was open.

“Thank you for saving me,” Jim said.

“It is my duty as a Starship officer.”

“And as a friend,” Jim said, his eyes kind and knowing. Spock forced himself to look in them as it would give away too much to avoid them.

“I once lost a brother,” Jim said.

Spock only nodded, unsettled by the direction of the conversation going.

“But I’m lucky. I brought him back. If the fate is kind to us, I hope you can always be my side for our coming journey because it’s our place to be, but only if you want to.”

Spock felt a wave of warmth radiated through his body. “I have found my place here, Jim,”

Jim smiled bright enough to lit up Spock’s quarters. “Do you want to play a game of chess, Mr. Spock?”

“Affirmative,” Spock replied, and followed Jim’s steps as always.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Some of the dialogues are taken from the episode Naked Time, the Ultimate Computer and Star Trek: the Final Frontier
> 
> 2\. In th fics, Jim quotes lines from Ulyssus by Alfred, Lord Tennyson and Sea Fever by John Masefield, which he refers to in the episode Ultimate Computer.


End file.
